Friends forever..

Having a belated birthday celebration for my dearst fren Chee Huey yesterday with Kaya, Camin, Annrene, Joel n Donovan.. Believe it onot we ate Thai food.. At first i thought i would taste sucks.. But surprisingly it turn out the food were damn nice.. All of us were like 'mm.. This so delicious..' N keep trying other ppls food.. Hahaha.. After the meal, we talk for quit sometime.. We talk about our last sem together n something came out my mind n in said ' why dont we talk about the positive n negative bout each n everyone of us..' LOL.. It was quit interesting.. We talk till almost 2am in the morning..

Im really gratefull to have this bunch of friends.. The feedback from them of my positive side was great. I never thought that i would be that good to them.. But among all feedback, i like Chee Huey feedback the most.. I feel touched with what she said and i almost tearing up with it.. She said, i was like a sister to her.. N for some reason, she said she love me so much as a sister.. She said she would never thought of hurting me.. I was so touched with it.. I love all my friends.. Forever.. I hope we will never parted..

Well, about the negative side of me, well wat they say is true.. They said sometimes im too childdish.. But they forgive it, probably beacause im the youngest in the group.. N they said im sometimes very roughed.. I dont act like girl sometimes.. Well, im quit boyish.. Im said sorry to them n tell them i will overcome this.. Hahahaha..

LOL.. Btw, yesterday when me n my family came bck from somewhere, suddenly our car run out off engine.. my cousin said probably out of gas but the car oil needle shows dat it still hav oil.. Must be something wrong with the oil needle.. HUh.. Luckilly, the petrol station was just at the opposite site.. Me, my father n my cousin, pushed the car till petrol station.. It was quit fun though.. Hahahaha..

So depresed..

I feel like wanted to killed myself.. I failed 4 paper in my exam.. Whats more i fail my Economic n Japanese paper which i was resitting.. I feel so pressure.. All my friends who was resitting with me, pass.. Im the only one fail.. Im such a loser.. What i couldnt believe is i got C- for housekeeping subject which i confident at least getting C or B-.. Nvr thought would get C-.. Im so totally depresed.. I hav total 6 resit paper n i confirm i would not gradute with my friends.. goodbye my friends.. I'll see u guys again when there is oportunity..

I feel so ashamed that my friends all get to passed, while im not.. Guess i hav to work hard from now on.. I really hate this Economic subject.. N i wanted to clear it as sson as possible.. But seems like there no way out for me.. I still hav to resit.. Haiiihh.. Life is so miserable for me now.. Guess i couldnt graduate with him.. bye-bye...

Starting a new semester..

Well, actually i start my semester a week late.. Its all because one word, lazy.. Hahaha.. Im so lazy after 2 weeks of holiday. The lazyness juz dont disappeared. Even after i went to college, the laziness still wont disappeared.. Is there any medicine to this disease? LOl.. Hahaha.. This would be my last semester as i will go for training next year and probably wont get to see most of my friends anymore. So, i try my best to hang out with my friend..

My friend went to Pulau Ketam for a classmate outing, i didnt follow.. But when i saw their picture, i was like wow.. Its a pitty i didnt follow them as it seems fun.. Its not that i do not want to follow them, to tell you the truth, its because of my financial problem.. I have the money, but i feel that i do not want to spend it as i want to save.. I do not want to burden my sister who is using her own money to pay my school fees. I feel so guilty and helpless.. I really, really wish that ptptn loan would approve my final loan, so that my sister wont hav to use her own money..

I AM A REBELLIOUS DAUGHTER

Ever had the feelings of runaway frm home?? I hav.. Indeed few times.. I do not knw why my father accusing me as a rebellious daughter.. Wat did i do wrong to earn such a harsh word.. Okay, i admit i cooked a little bit late yesterday nite.. But it was beacause i specially fried two eggs for my sister who do not eat another dish i prepared.. With no thanks at all, she woke up frm sleep n shout why do i cooked the dinner late.. To make things worsed, my father who doesnt knw anything, back up her to scold me.. Do you knw how does it feel for being scold without having to chance to explain? I feel really pressured.. I am a 19 year old girl.. Not a housewife.. I do not hav the freedom as other 19 year old ppl had.. Y izit so unfair?? Wats more worsed, my father said i hav changed.. I changed a lot.. He said i was not the usual Carolyn.. I changed since my mom past away.. Is it true? I dont even knw whether i had change or not.. All i knw is i started to feel bored cooking at home.. Imagine, i have been cooking at home for 4 years.. Since i was 16.. I am a girl, a teenage n a student.. I need to hav my own time.. I need time, to hav my own leisure.. I rely envy my friend whom hav all they fun they wanted.. Y my mom hav to go early.. Y mom?? Why do u past away so early? Do you knw how hard life without u??

While i writing this blog, my sister n father at the back having dinner.. Enjoying themself, while me, the rebellious daughter, sitting here in front of the computer, isolated.. They dnt even ask me whether i have my dinner or not... Am i that bad in their eyes? Of course, i am known as the daughter who fights back whatever my father said.. The one who didnt do household chores, the one who always sat in front of computer doing nothing, the one who sleeps until 12 in the afternoon.. All that is wrong is bout me.. I never seems to do right eventhough i did it right.. aahh!!!! I feel life is sucks.. I want to finish my study as sson as possible n go to work.. So that i can move out and live on my own.. i do not want to live in this house that is full crazy ppl.. I hate my life!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Happy + Sad = Almost broken my car window

I was so happy that that we manage to celebrate my sister 22nd birthday yesterday.. I'm happy that my sister celebrated it happily with all my family members.. What made me sad the most is, it reminds me of my mother.. My mother passed away 1 week bfore my sister 21st birthday.. After all the planning that my mom did for her big 21st birthday, was all left as memory.. Whats more sadddening is the place that we held my sis birthday party, was the place where my mom spend her last gathering with family members before she left the world the very next day.. Its so sad to think it back now.. But, life muz go on.. I muz live on for my mom.. My friend always said that i look mentally tough eventhough it is juz a year my mom left this world.. But the truth is, I am weak, i cried more than anyone else in this world whenever i thought bout my mom.. I never showed my sad feelings to others as i dnt like bothered people.. but i am happy that my friends and family always stay by my side..


I argue with my sister today.. Since my mom left, my sister really took care of me.. She tries to fufill whatever i need.. Even my father too.. Everyday he would at least call me thrice a day to make sure im okay.. Im so touched.. The reason i argued with my sister today is because she keeps mumbling on and on.. A human has a limit on being mumbling but she has been mumbling non-stop for the whole day.. I was in the car wit her when she mumbling, as she keeps on mumbling, i cannot bear it anymore.. I was so pissed of that i hit the car window with my fist.. Ended up, the car window was broken n my hand swollen.. I get scoled by my father.. The is the first time i felt so pissed off as i never hit things with my fist.. My sister was shock n scared seing the changes in me.. Especially when i hit the car window broken.. I do not knw where i hav the courage to hit the window till my hand is swollen.. Perhaps too stress i guess..